Incarceration.

2010-04-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

i hate posers. :)

(and that's it.)

2009-10-13T04:55:00.000-07:00

maths is over duuhh-
relieved, concerned, cautious too.
a little here, a little there i guess.

tomorow's english,
practice? sure.
but- awwwh mann. i have sooo gotta buck up on my religous subjects!
i am way, way, way ,waaayy behind; and i've only got a week to catch up.
eeeksh enough?
at least the rest of the subjects (that i despise!) have ended. - finally.
english should be a breeze, but to be on the super safe side;
let's just practice finding facts in passages shall we?
i mean 'i'. -.-'

and since i get to relax just a little after the academic exams,
i can finally catch up on 'how i met your mother'!
my god, that man can tell a story.
the story seems predictable but it just shoots back at my face with unexpectation!
dissappoints me, amuses me, entertains me.
and i loove Barney; LE-GEN-DA-RY!
that phrase gets to me everysingletime!
he's full of himself, but that's what makes him such a good character. ;p
i'm only on season 2, but i can't get enough.
i've got to pause on it for awhile, but sooon;
i'm gonna un-pause! ;p

if you don't really like me,

just spit it out.

i won't be able to handle it, but at least i'll know.

i need to know.

2009-10-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind

I've given a lot of thought
on this 13 hour drive
I miss the grinded concrete
where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing
In the glow of our headlights.

I've given a lot of thought
to the nights we used to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast

I faintly remember breathing
on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you,
but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if I
don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
or will you think of me
Will I shake this off
pretend its all okay
That there someone out there
who feels just like me
There is

Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought
of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter
in every single word
There will be a hidden message
about a boy that loves a girl

Do you care if I
Don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight
Or will you think of me
Will I shake this off
Pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there
Who feels just like me
There is.

this,icanrelateto.

itsmeaningful,tome.

andiknowhowit feels.

iwonderifthereisanybody.

2009-10-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

i effin' hate maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaths! -.-'
stupid paper.
there was a reason why it rained,
cause everybody in the epress stream in secondary two was probably crying!
(i'm exaggerating.)

mann, it was such a mistake to concentrate on science!
shit.
what luck do i have,
i studied on science, the science paper was easy.
i browse through maths, and ifeel like killing myself doing the paper.
why? why must this happen?
*shakes head, holding up hands.
must everything be this ridiculous? -.-'

but you know what? i'm gonna forget it, if i fail, i just have to pary that my previous work can back me up.
hopefully-

i've got my mind on another thing;
ever heard of the Mayan theory?
neither did i, but i'm sure everybody know what the hell doomsday is.
21 December 2021, not September. -.-'
believe it? nahh, i don't really care.
but its an interesting subject.
its fun knowing about how 'smart' people predict when the end of the world is.
i wonder what would happen on the day.
heh, i guess its for no one to know and for everybody to find out. ;p

2009-10-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

my life does suck, but you know what uplifted me?

a big, gigantic camera!

saw it, loved it.

it was secondhand though, but still takes great pictures with superb quality!

takes in the lighting nicely.

took loads of uneccessary pictures, ;p

really made my day.

and to test the camera to a greater extent, i blew bubbles!

(i'm still at that stage where i like bubbles, cartoons, and other funny stuff.)

well, actually i was washing my hands and for no absolute reason, started to make bubbles.

-.-'

then i tested whether the camera could take in the light of the almost 'transparent' bubble.

nothing like taking good photos with a friggin' great camera that i've always wanted!

just because of this camera, i've decided to get up early in morning just to take pictures. ;p

good ehh? ;pp

2009-10-10T17:48:00.000-07:00

shit.
my life sucks.

ever felt so absolutely pathetic in your life that you should just end it right now?
i'm pathetic sure, pitiful even.
even if i die, i don't think anybody would care right?
i'm neither important here nor there.
i don't think i have anything to live for anymore.
yea, i'm depressed sure.
but,
do people care about me?/ or are they just faking it?
i don't know,

i know there's always a reason for something; so is there a reason that i'm here?
i doubt it somehow.
i have friends, sure; but...
do they care about me?/ or am i just laughing along with them for no reason?
i'm not accepted here, i'm not accepted there, so; where the heck am i supposed to be?
but do i really have friends?
are they really what i think they're supposed to be?

i don't know what to think!
i don't want to have anymore bad thoughts about anybody!
but i'm starting to doubt my faith in them,
are they phonies? or am i just imagining it?
i could be overreacting, but i'm not sure.
am i still with them?, or are they already against me?
do they still even care?
or they don't anymore?
or they never did,

let's imagine, i'm deadd-
my parents would be sad, maybe.
people at school wouldn't give a crap about it and go on with their lives.
it'll be like throwing a paper ball into the rubish bin.
there's no worth in it and you could forget about it in a second.
so, i'm just rubbish.
and nobody would even care.

i'm overreacting, i know.
but, i want to know what's going on, i need to know what's going on.
does she care? does she not?
all these questions, all that's in my mind; will be possibly left unanswered.

care if i die?-
sigh~ -.-'

2009-10-09T23:49:00.000-07:00

i've got too many thoughts right now,

'promises, they break before they're made'.
'who'd want to be part of the people when there's people like you?'.
'heaven ain't close in a place like this'.
'no one to confide'.

i've heard these things like a billion and one times now.
everytime it comes up, i think of my own patheic life.

people make promises, but they don't really keep it,
it hurts to hear the things that would disappoint you.
they can't keep it, they know they can't but they still want the expression of disappointment on your face.
its called lying actually.
i've been duped too many times in my frggin' life.
its lie after lie, and i'm dumb enough to go along with these deceites.
that's why i can't give my trust anymore. (its also one of the reasons why i rarely go out.)
i can't believe anything that comes out of anybody's mouth anymore,
cause i know its just not true.

who does want to be part of what's now commonly known as society?
you know what i see when i look around?
mannequins, having the same style, same attitude, same personality.
a.k.a; 'posers'.
its just so sad to see the same things everywhere.
is it so bad to be different? is it so wrong?
i guess it is to some people.
i just don't get it, just because i don't have a bag like that, my skirt's not that short, or i'm not so wild, and i'm not into the same kind of music, i can't be part of the same world?
i have to be looked down for having my own rights and rules?
i have to be actually alienated to far away planet?
so be it.
i'd rather be what i am and supposed to be than a bunch of bozo's who look alike. -.-'

heaven't isn't close in a place like this.
in fact, its basically somewhat hell.
its not that i'm not grateful for being here,
but 'here' is really horrible.
i know i have easier than other people, but i'm lower than all of this.
its not like i could take it! jeez.
ohh, and this is actually kind of being in 2e1 and having religous class at the same time.
i can't basically do both at the same time,
i'm weak! -.-'
i need help. ;[

i don't have anyone to confide.
its not like anybody understands, even if i tell them its not like they understand.
if i say it out, i'd be like a whiny baby.
if i say it out, people get hurt.
if i say it out, i'll be the bad guy.
its just not worth it. i just see it better if i don't let it out.
people think its bad to keep things inside, but honestly, it makes this world a better place.
other's, (even my parents) don't really know or understand me.
if i say 'A' other's think about 'B', 'Z' or maybe even 'Q'.
its ridiculous!
but honestly, even i don't really know myself.
i'm different at home, school, and my 'other' school.
there's so many to keep track of that i kind of lost it.
what can i say? - i'm fated to pretend.

yea, i like to criticise; so what's it to you?

2009-10-09T00:51:00.000-07:00

gawd! move on! build a friggin' bridge and move on. -.-'
is that so hard?
overreaction- its done unconsciously, and basically stupid.
and i don't think that anyone is right here.

they started it, you should have finished it.
not continue! that just starts off more fires.
you claim that they're cowards, for not confronting you or saying things behind your back,
but its not like you have the guts do anything to them either.
its like calling someone short when you're the same height as them!
you claim that you're smart but you're doing the same things they are doing!
you're insulting them when they're not even there!
what's up with that?
don't be like them pleeease. be what you're supposed to be,
smart, and not overreacting! plus, what you actually claim to be.

*takes in a deep breath.
*lets go..

i'm not going to talk about this friggin' thing anymore.

i depise mother tongue. -.-'
it despises me as well.

am i going to pass?
shit,
i don't want to friggin' fail! no.
i wish i was smart, i really do.
could i have that?, some day?

2009-10-07T03:43:00.001-07:00

its been a long time since i've heard this,
just ignore the tattoos and the uneccessaries.

i still love it, and i still love these guys.

2009-10-06T03:38:00.000-07:00

its 'piss-me-off' day i suppose,

AAAH GAWD!
first, they tell me that i have to re-take my effin' english exam.
i have other subjects to study besides these 9 subjects!
aaaawh jeeeeez-
i'm gonna die! die.
but its not like i can do anything, so what can i do? -.-'

and then these effin' people whose mentality is soo effin' strange and obviously has no common sense, comes shouting at people who has done nothing wrong.
you're targetting the WRONG person dude.
and its not the entire e1 who went to report.
do they actually think we want a re-take? NO!
who does anyway?
and what's up with thrashing our classroom? what have we effin' done?
what's effin' wrong with people? WE didn't do anything!
go find the right person, if you even can.

and if they didn't want anybody, or anything to get caught, then they should have just kept their bloody mouths shut aye?
and especially to the 'complainy' person, you should have just shut up.
all this, started with a friggin' sheet of paper and a friggin' wide mouth.
its just effin' ridiculous!

you know what i realized?
people, including myself, have seriously bad planning.
my gawsh,
they told it was the first house, so i effin' stayed home!
and told me that they would be coming around 4.15, so i waited- for an effin' hour!
it became 4.30, it didn't matter. i just waited.
it became 5.00, was beginning to calm down- but i still waited.
turned out, that they went on first without me. it didn't matter that much so i just waited for them at my house.
it became 6.00.
turned out again, they went on- without me.
from then on, i became frggin' pissed.
maybe 6.15, someone calls me- asking if they could still come to my effin' house.
of course not!
there was a friggin' reason why i said my house should have been first,
my family are busy people!- hen mang ren! -.-'
it was in the effin' evening, my parents are out, how the hell am i suppose to invite them in?!

f**k.
i guess i'm just not that important right?
i'm just another dull girl to be put aside to one friggin' corner whereas the rest, who are supposedly 'fun' can go off effin' around.
fine.
its not that i don't care, if i didn't, i wouldn't be typing this down!
i care, i friggin' do.
but i can' tolerate anymore effin' nonsense. this is just as well; ridiculous.

what an effin' year.
it has pissed me off a number of times, that i don't think i have to will to live anymore!
when there's no will, there's no friggin' way. - and nothing to be left behind.

i can't describe how i'm feeling- but i know i just don't want to feel anything anymore.

2009-10-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

one paper down,
technically five more to go. -.-' [physics, chemistry, MT paper 1, MT paper 2, maths.]

why can't we just take all of the papers in a week?
wouldn't that be easier and give me a little more relief?
i can't bear waiting for exam papers.
the tension kills me,

i don't feel like taking the other papers.
i' bad at all of the other subjects. i'm gonna die-
and i'm still making the friggin' decision of subjects.
FnN? Pure Science?
my brother's no help. i ask him he goes; " aaaaaaah "
its annoying really.

i'm sooooo pathetic! jeez-
i can't make a decision, i don't want to take my examinations,
what's the friggin' matter?

i need help.

outrages,

2009-09-28T04:52:00.000-07:00

i can't take it anymore.
i really feel like doing something that hurts cause this, is unbearable.
i really want/have to do it but i just can't do it!
jeez-

if *** cries, then i'm in deep shit cause i'm not the one who's gonna comfort ***.
but i can't take *** anymore.
i feel like, aaagh, like slapping or hitting or even kicking ***.
the best i can do is just try to avoid meeting *** face to face or even talking to ***.
cause i totally do not want to cause a scene.
and i totally do not want to see *** cry.

i don't know what's the matter with ***, that i just can't tolerate *** anymore.
*** tries to be something ***'s not.
and that just pisses me off. you're not perfect, nobody is dude.
there are others who do piss me off just as much but, i'm not saying they;re not nice-
just lay low on the flaws.
its either they shut up, stop it or just well, shut up! -.-'

shut up means shut up, and stop it means stop acting tough, cute, pretty, smart or whatsoever.
its just plain irritating. and it hurts to hate people plus, i really don't want to have bad thoughts.
i just want to clear my head but some people are just making it sooooo difficult.

too ... many .... thoughts .............. icanexplode. -.-"

well, just stop it. you can't fit in, so? don't have to fake it just to make it.
its just not right dude. -.-"'

true meanings.

2009-09-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

well, i'm bored. i'll just write some more.

people go around thinking or knowing what are true meanings of;
maybe friendship,
hari raya,

frienship; well, even i don't really know what it really is. i haven't really experienced 'true'
friendship. everyone i'm close with either lies or are just plain irritating. i'm not
saying i'm a good friend either but i know when to keep quiet or stop being clingy or
stop lying. i don't think friendship is to always be there for each other cause that's
just going to be annoying. but i know friendship is not to lie to each other!

hari raya; i don't even know why i'm talking about this subject. to me, its just troublesome to
go around other's house. we actually can just forgive them already. but to me, really to
me, its not just about forgiving each other but still thinking about god. what's the
friggin' point of celebrating a religous event if you're already breaking all the basic
rules like your clothing, i mean put on something abit more propper! and its not that i
don't like this celebration, i'll just forgive but i won't really forget. i don't want to get
duped by the same people again.

i guess my point is, don't claim things if you're not sure yourself.
and most importantly,
don't act smart here. its just annoying and well, still annoying.

i don't even i'm writing here when nobody reads this. -.-'

2009-09-27T01:50:00.000-07:00

tears, fears. i guess they're just jitters.

the exam priod's on and i can't handle it. it seems too hard.
i just feel so stupid.
i can't do it. i just can't. i'd fail i do.
i wish i was like some others, or just smart.

can i do it? could i do it?
even if i could, how could i continue it? its too hard!
ugh, what's the matter with me?!
who on earth could help me now,
friends? -.-'
come on.

there are some, but other than that; its just well, phony.
having friends is a challenge. accepting their flaws, its hard. everything's hard to me anyway.
but, there are those who just piss me off and keeps on bullshitting themselves and everyone else.
they're trying to be somehting that's out their friggin' league and they should just face it;
that they're no better than everyone else.

it may not be about who we are or what results we get,
buti still do think that the results do count.
i just don't want to do badly, i'm soooo way behind and i'm trying.
but i'm afraid that my trying just won't do.
or maybe i'm just not doing anything about it.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

to think about it, i still don't know what is my problem.
it should be about exams, but i have a feeling that its just about me.

mann, do i need counselling. -.-'
i need a solution but its either i can't find it, or i'm just not reaching out to it.
serioiusly, what's the matter with me? jeez.

2009-08-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

blog's dead. don't bother a'right? ;D

2009-07-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

SICK.

i was sent home from school today, jeez.
my temperature's always like that. and i mean always.
don't know why though.
ohh well, at least i got to go home. ;p

2009-07-15T02:53:00.000-07:00

*hits him with a box.

"its no joke! i'm in love with her!"

"alright!, you're in love with! have ever actually met her?!"

"no."

*gives a look.

"do you think you could introduce me?"

AHAHAH!

it was hilarious. one scene and that was it.

"i think i'm in love with her!"

hahah! his voice even broke.

i love these two, even you don't really know what i'm talking about, right?

nyeheheh. ;p

2009-07-15T01:57:00.000-07:00

BORED!

BORED!
BORED!

and still,

BORED!

back.

2009-07-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

i can't believe i'm back here.
i sorta miss Johor.
there were such cute lil' kities.
i was about to squeeze one of 'em but then, it was really heavy.
pretty shocking to me really.
usually cats are so light and squeezable. ;p

i'm pretty wiped out now.
the Malaysian immigration point was so frggin' irritating.
we had to walk like a gazillion miles just to get our passport checked.
i mean, what''s with it?
then when we were on our way to Johor, (i haven't been to Johor for quite awhile so it was pretty much a shock to me) there were twist and turns on the bus.
i was like; 'WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!
it took like 40 mins just to get to the immigration.
but it was pretty worth it to go to Johor.

i got to see my 'nenek' and i missed her pretty much.
but she isn't my actual grandmother, she's my mom's mother's sister.
get it? ;p
and i found out that i got half-French cousins! *hint the word half.
i don't really have pictures of them, but got pictures of the kitty! ;p
maybe i'll upload 'em later.

2009-07-08T02:02:00.000-07:00

i feel;

BORED!

yet,

IGNORED!

but still,

DISARRAY-ED!

sigh.

on my feet.

2009-07-06T03:26:00.000-07:00

today was great.
went out with Jia En and Hidayah!
it was pretty great went to arcade, played guitar hero.
mann, do alot of people want to play!

i'm a pushover, i let people play first when i've been standing for quite a long time.
SORRY JIA EN AND HIDAYAH!
i made them wait for me.
i felt so bad.
but at least i got Hidayah hyped up again with the games on my handphone.
aaand she got addicted to it, like i did with guitar hero. ;p
then i had to go home and Hidayah still wanted to play the game.
but don't worry Hidayah!
tomorow you can continue, hahah! ;p

i think i'll leave it as that.
i'm tired anyways.

reminiscing.

2009-07-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

i was bored at home, obviously.
then i went throught my favourites on my youtube account and found;
Happy Tree Friends.
wow, i can't remember how long i haven't watched them.
i think i was primary 5 or 6 where i was somehow amused by violence.
and entertained by some commercial bands.

i loooooove happy tree friends.
don't know why.
cute characters but sick stories.
its the only piece of sick violence that i actually enjoy. ;p
i'm sick, that's me. ohh well. :D
hey hey, i knooow you people like F.O.B right?
well so did i. but that's the past. ;p
but watch this video. its righteous-ly awesome!

i love this video.
its such a sweet story in such a sick way.
its great! hahah. :D

i'm pretty sure that JIA EN will enjoy this. ;p

normality,

2009-07-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

today, was obviously a school day and there wad obviously school.
what a partly miserable life i lead. don't you think?

english lesson was okaay-
Ms Goh made us watch a crime watch video on 'gangs'.
mother tongue, ehh.
its not exactly my favourite subject but it was okayy-
maths, felt so worried.
i don't really know why, but everytime when i know its time for maths,,
my stomach kinds of crunch up. get it?
its the same for mother tongue. ;p

it was then recess,
not much happened. i know that i have the most ultimately boring life.
it was then art.
i don't know how we were to smoothen out our cups as like the teacher said;
it was bone dry.
then she showed us the kiln! *with thrilling sound effects. [just imagine it. ;p]
honestly i wanted to get out of there!
i was somewhat scared of that big giant 'oven'.
i didn't wan to get burnt to death! i'm over-exagerating, i know. ;p
i'm scaredy-cat too, i know! ;]

then it was after school, we ran off like some super speedy cars.
went to kfc with Jia En, Wei Liang, Adrinna, Lisa.
ate, THANKS JIA EN!- :D
then, went off home.
somehoooow- saw people i didn't really want to see.
eek. i sound evil. i should change, don't you think? ;p

well, i'm really off now.

normality, still.

2009-07-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

nothing much happened today,
just the usual.
school, IH, english, literature, MT, aaaand music.
after all that, i went home.

but heyy- wanna watch a video?
obviously, it will be hilarious.
so just to be prepared, just get an extra pair of pants. ;p

its sooo funny when he had his friggin' accident!
i lauged 'till i cried, my stomach hurt.
i absolutely looooove these people! :D

mann,,

2009-06-30T01:56:00.000-07:00

its the second day of the third term.
and exams are coming at the end of this month.
could it get any worse?

but it wasn't so bad, i mean i did survive for the past 5months or so.
but, it is bad that the exam fever is coming again.
its only been a month since the intense period of exams,
and now?;
its CA1.

honestly, i'm not that wiped out.
thank godd, the teachers laid off the homeworks. or else,
i would have just died.
i can't stand picking up a pen in my own house.
at school or a friend's house maybe, but my own home,,
i plan to sleep at home!
but ohh well, what can i do?
i can't just shove the teachers back their homework can i?

jeez, i would enjoy school a wee bit more if it wasn't for 'upcoming' exams.
*please hint the inverted commas, i don't mean to cause panick to anybody. ;p
but i've got to start preparing for those stupid pieces of papers!
mann, i just can't.
i'm too lazy.
honestly, i'm still in the holiday mood.
i just can't lift my fat bum off of any chairs, or bed.
due to my laziness, its basically causing panic to me.
[ i don't wanna fail my exams! ]

you know what?
i'm done typing here.
i have soo got to try to lift my arse of this chair right now!

crapp,

2009-06-28T02:33:00.003-07:00

ohh NO.
school opens tomorow!
aaah!

but fortunately, i have finished all of my homework!
just that some papers, some questions were just blank.
its not that i didn't want to do, well its partly i didn't want to do, but i just didn't know the answers!
just hope the teachers lay off it.

can't believe i have to go back to school tomorow.
i have to go through the grueling path to school.
i wish i had a teleporter or i could fly, so i could just zoom through and not be worried about anything.
you should know, i'm insecure.
i don't know, i just don't like people looking at me and think, "she's a geek, she looks like a man!"
i know i am those things, i just don't like to be reminded of it.

its okayy-
i just have to walk and keep on walking 'till i get to school.
mann, i reallyyy- wish that i didn't have to walk there, or even go there.
i would walk with a buddy, but it seems so troublesome. not that i don't want to.
its just that, my prepaid usually goes to zero when i walk with anybuddy.
if only i could bump into someone i know everyday.
then, my prepaid will be safe!
i just don't like to be judged whenever walk to school where i'm surrounded by people who looks better than me.
mann, am i pathetic.

you know what?
i'm just gonna walk.
that's it.
and while i walk, i'll recite movies in my head. [ouh, its possible.]
hmm, problem solved. probably.

just hope teachers would relax abit on the amount of homework.
or, they would give us another month of holidays. ;p
now that, would never be possible.

argh,
just gonna get past the 'getting there' part.
well, gotta just get ready.
may be i'll just think about this phrase. maybe it will help. :D

assuming all things are equal,

who'd want to be part of the people,

when there's people like you.

-Alex Turner.♥

i still love him. ;p

just here, nothing else.

2009-06-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

well, unfirtunately i'm back here.
typing away about my boring life which by the way, no one's gonna take a care about.

but, i'm bored.
so, what the heyy- i'll just tell you what happened even though i don't think there's any "you's" out there, wasting your time reading this.

i just opened the laptop which is not minee, and decided to blog.
i know my life is pathetic, but my father's watching soccer. -.-'
not really a big fan.
jeez, i am a loser.

let me tell you why;
i'm not smart, compared to my totally brainy classmates.
i'm not pretty, compared to the other girls in the school.
i'm not that sporty, compared to other 'sporty' people.
( i really suck at sports.)
i'm not so outgoing like those who can just walk up to a stranger and just make friends.

i know nobody's perfect,
but, i wish at leasat i had something, something special.
i pity anybody who's reading this.
its just someone sulking away on what she doesen't have.

well, what can i do?
i could just jump down from a building, but-
odds are, i wouldn't do it.
i'm a coward really.
heh, guess i'll just have to walk through with, well, what else but;
nothing.

you know what?
i think i shall relieve the people who are reading this even though i doubt there are any,
by ending this post.
its a stupid post. it goes along with my stupidity.
smile? here, :D
funyy- hahah. -.-'
you kow what? don't let me spoil your fun. [my fun actually ;p]
let watch a video! ;D

normality, again!

2009-06-25T22:06:00.001-07:00

today's pretty much the same as any other day.
what a 'shock' right?
i'm still sulking, over;
the last few days before school re-open!

waaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaah!
as you can see, i'm literally crying.
buut, there were some things that cheered me up.
wanna laugh your pants off?
warning: prepare to change your pants. ;p
but, if you don't get their jokes, and don't think its funny,
i think its just your loss.

these people are probably the only ones that can make me laugh,
hysterically.
i love them.
they're old, but yeah, they make me smile.
they're just the right thing to make me cheer up instead of sulking on the bed about school.
mann, i really really really don't want to go back.
i don't want to see those people's face.
*as in homework, don't get the wrong idea.

i wanna get back to my daily routine,
which is;
watching videos with my arse on this chair. its great really. ;p

you could be my unintended

choice to live my life extended

you should be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can

but i'm busy mending broken pieces

of the life i've had before.

-Matthew Bellamy♥

igenious.

i love him. :D

normality, with a tiny twist.

2009-06-25T03:57:00.000-07:00

today-
well its as much as any other day.
woke up, with the sounds of nagging from my mother on how i always wake up late.
is 10.00am late?
but ohh well, i got up.
she told me there were gonna be visitors soon and that was what really got me up.

they didn't come until 2pm.
my mother lied.
and there she went, saying on how bad lying was. :p

they actually came to study from my mother.
they seemed nice. well, cause they were with my mother while i rarely do.
before they came, i was watching kung fu panda, enjoying myself.
i thought they weren't coming.
aaaand, they came. what a shock it was.

the little boy was so cute, but the girl seemed like a person that i would stay away from.
i know, i know, i critic people. i know its bad.
but i can't help it.

later on, i had to follow my mother to sunplaza,
along with my new "friends". *hint the inverted commas.
came back home, and here i am,
my butt on this chair with my face straight to the screen.
what can i say? i'm bum. ;D

despair to the point till they provoke,

the punchline before they have told the joke,

the sheer desperation to be scene.

-Alex Turner ♥

he's a genius! :D

ohh, no, no, no.

2009-06-23T21:28:00.001-07:00

ohh, NO!
ohh, crapp.
ohh, jeez.
ohh, mann.

i only have 4 days left 'till school re-opens!
i feel so-
well, sad really.
*sigh.
i don't miss school miss school at all. i do not want to go back!
i want extended school holidays! oh please, please.

i think i'll go overseas and catch a flu, but not H1N1. ;p
at leaest a fever or a cough so that they would send me back home.
i just do not want to go back there,
to that place where i would have to sit down and listen to an adult talking about things that i don't like and don't really understand.
the worst part is, i have to listen like my life depended on it.
my results, my life; what's the difference?

ohh wait, that's not really the worst part.
the totally worst part is; there's homework!
this thing called homework is always, and i mean always, everywhere!
it doesen't give us a break.

right now, i still have IH.
i'm starting to hate IH, i didn't really.
its just that now, i don't understand a single thing on the project!
grr-

i feel like running away or tranferring school just so,
i don't have to do this homework!
:[

hipity, hopity- fun!

2009-06-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

today was the bomb!
it was so fun. well, to me.
i went out with Nikki and Jia En.
Nikki's sooo much fun! i never expected that honestly. ;p

we went to the library, well, to study of course!
i got my english totally done, maths- just left out 'some' questions and IH almost done.
i'm so proud of myself. [complimeting myself, ;p just ignore it.]
the chinese pupils then had to find books for their book review.
it was abit hilarious to me.
Nikki needed an easy book.
her mothertongue's as bad as mine, but she still got top 4! :(
Jia en kept bullying her. ;p
they got their books still.

i got hungry from doing the gazillion and one homeworks so,
we went to burger king.
Nikki didn't like burger king, she didn't even touch the food!
since Nikki didn't like things both Jiaen and i also started listing things of what we liked and didn't.
Ohh, there were wars, about food!
how crazy is that? not so really. ;p

after that, we took a walk around the night market, also known as 'pasar malam'.
hahah. i know its not amusing.
found interesting things, but it was warm and boring so we left the place.

went back to the library,
read, read, read, read, did homework, did homework, did homework.
suddenly, Jiaen thought of going to timezone.
we did, and it was so fun!
i loved it.

Jiaen and Nikki battled it out on the air hockey table and Nikki prevailed as the winner!
hahahs, ;]
then, i and Nikki battled it out on guitar hero!
she had experience so she won. :(
then, I battled it out on the air hockey table with Nikki.
don't really know who won. ;p
then went back to guitar hero. i just couldn't get enough of it.
Jiaen was supposed to do it but she couldn't do it so gave it to me.
and before i knew it, i was playing guitar hero to 'Reptilia'.
i really reall really really love that song. :D
and i won! woohooo!

i was then suddenly hooked on guitar hero.
i want to buy the gaaaaaaaaaaaame! aaaahhh!
but it costs like $100+. that's such a shame. ;[
i don't even have a play station 2!
i'm literally crying my eyes out.
hope i can get a scholarship to buy it. i'm too addicted.
[even though i only played two games. ;p]

we were then out of money and went home.
Jiaen then chased Nikki for a short distance. Pretty hilarious. :D

happy birthday kakak, you nut.

2009-06-21T02:30:00.000-07:00

happy birthday kak, you fart.
i hate you.
*hint the sarcasm if you will.

you're now 19, when are you gonna give an allowance? ;]
today, we're gonna buy a bigg pizza just for you.
well, not only for you, but for those who are hungry in this house.

i'm gonna dedicate this video to you.
its hilarious. :D

normality.

2009-06-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

jeez, i've still got a billion and one homeowork.
let's see, i've done english, some of malay, some maths, science,
you think that's alot?
well, notice the phrase 'some of' which basically means;
undone.

i've done it! but i haven't finished it.
a pity isn't it?
i need to finish it, i've got precisely a week and a day left!
it seems like a perfectly enough amount of time, but i plan on enjoying my last few days!
why is there such a thing as homework?
okaay, these teachers can give homework, but not to the amount where they can suffocate the students!
i know i'm exaggerating, but it feels so real.

i wish i enjoyed all these subjects, but its such a shame that i only love english and science.
maths and malay, my eyes would water and i would be pulling my hair out,
literally .
can't these pile of worksheets just disappear?
is that so hard? :[
i don't think the teachers would even want to mark it, let alone go through it.

let me say these magic words and just PRAY that it will all go away,
waaaay away,
but, ohh, its still there, rotting on the top of my study table and still left undone.
jeez.
i wish i was really hardworking to have finished all of my homework in the first week.
but ohh well, i'm not.
its such a shame, a pity really.

getting on my feet.

2009-06-17T02:46:00.001-07:00

mann, i feel revived.
even though i've only went out twice, in a row.
i hope i don't have to go out three time in a row.
i know, i know, you people think that i'm pretty much a bum.
and i am.
and i like it. :D

yesterday, had fun with Jia En and Shahirah, they're fun people.
but absolutely not the people you can finish homework with.
they didn't seem to have the mood going on.
neither did i.
but, to avoid all nagging from my father, i just had to do it.
plus, i wanted to totally enjoy the last week of my ohh so short holiday.
i'm totally exaggerating. ;]

Shahirah later then left with her friends.
Jia En then pulled me to cinema to watch 'Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past.'
but in my opinion, alot of people i know, are almost just like Connor Mead.
they stead, they break, they stead again aaaand you guessed it; they break again!
hahah!
i honestly don't get these people.
they say 'i will love you forever, mwah mwah mwah.' -.-'
but what happens?; another person comes along aaand they break, obviously.

then today, woke up.
i was supposed to go out with aisyah, but was sooo tired i felt like just fainting back on that bed,
but,,
i got up, and actually woke up.
took the bus, and waited for Aisyah for half an hour!
she does it again. ;p
at least i made her do her malay homework. x]
it was pretty much a miracle that she did.

well, i'm pretty much wiped out.

weird.

2009-06-14T06:50:00.000-07:00

Jia en's back! Hooray! :D
Good, good. She's relieved of coming back home.

Being the freak with the bulging eyes with the ares on the computer at home.
Strangely, my parents aren't nagging at me.
A miracle isn't it?
If this can happen, then i sure pray that the teachers would come to their senses and take back their homework.
Aaagh. Its bugging me! It makes me want to pull my hair out!
It makes me freak out like this.

I just don't want to do it.
Too lazy. Well, i am a bum as i say.
I finished science, half of malay, still.
Can't find the 'energy' or want to do it. Its to hard to pick up that pen and start writing.
If i had the money or 'sweet talk' as may say, i might just ask someone to do all my homework for me.
But, i don't. *sigh.

I think i'll just do my maths homework tomorow.
If only i had my english homework, im ight just finish half of my work.
Jia en! I beg of you! Please hand me my english homework. :[

I thought the june holidays would be thrilling, exciting but, it just seems like my old routine, only longer.
Mann, i want some action even though i'm too lazy to get on my feet to get some action.
i need help.

mom, i love you but;

2009-06-13T01:59:00.000-07:00

mom, you told me things that i've heard before.
maybe one too many times.
it seems that you don't love your own family anymore.
you keep saying that you don't care, you keep saying that my own father has never loved you.
you keep saying that your own children, including me, doesen't love you.

you think that we don't love you just because we don't help you out in the kitchen?
we are kids from the 21st century!
come ooon, give us a break. your children are going to school, volunteering, national service, project meetings, study groups, library.
why can't you understand that?
we constantly say 'we love you' to you. is that not enough?
and we do help you out in the kichen, you just don't seem to appreaciate it.
as much as we would want to help you out, but we're tired, but its still your job, your duty, to feed your own family.
is that so hard? i'm not criticising you, but don't keep thinking that we don't love you.
it seems like you take our words that are filled with much care and compassion as possible, for granted.
why?

and you say that my father has never loved you or cared for you before.
then why would you marry him?
when you're gone, and he can't sleep at night its because he loves you so much and misses you, not because he's guilty!
how could you say that he doesen't care?
he works from morning 'till night, not for us, but for you.

i love you, but;
i sometimes think you really don't love us,
you took us for granted.
maybe you were better off without a family.

my absolute loves.

2009-06-11T03:36:00.001-07:00

i love tv shows. it makes me smile evrytime.
wether they've a mistake or its what they were going for.
i love commedies.
they make me so happy that i do the dance of joy! hahahs. :D

its not only that i love, i love friends too!
even if i've watched the same episodes a million times, they still make me laugh. :D

i love these hilarious people.

me, the lame-o

2009-06-10T02:51:00.000-07:00

i'm strange, weird, insane, nerdy, eccentric, nostalgic and a wee bit lost.
which all this leads to different.
i'm proud of it, but i'm still insecure about it.
i don't want to blend in with clones, but i don't really want to stand out from the crowd.
i want to be different but i still want to fit in.
i get that you don't get it.
even i myself don't get it. i wish i was simpler, and not some puzzle impossible to put together.

i need someone to help me to get that,
so far, it seems that no one really gets me, not even my parents.
saddening isn't it?
i wabt to be proud of myself, but i don't want people looking up and down at me and giving a strange face or an amusing smirk.
it hurts.
i'm not like some of you who doesen't really care of others think of you.
i wish i was though.

*sigh.

i'm a pathetic loser / lame-o.
what do you get? pathetic lame-o-ser. hahah. at least i've accomplsihed of amusing myself.
no point sulking,
letting others understand me when i don't even know who, what i am.

eehh, i don't think there's any point in living.
what can i say? i'm scum.
commit suicide? hah. i would if i could, but i can't.
look on the brightside? i think its on the other side of the world.

guess i should suck it up and just continue whatever i've got left. :I

fate took a turn,

my story's ending with a twist,

for what i am i have not learned.

i might just disappear in the cold white mist.

2009-06-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

Yaaaawns-
Its exactly 11.24 right now.
Can't sleep, to bored.
I watched scofield 'kick butt'! Well, not actually 'kick butt', but you get what i mean.
Ahh, i love prison break.
Its like the best show ever! It get's you suspensed, thrilled and not confused.

I wish i could play sims 3 right now.
*sigh.
I've installed it, but something's wrong. Grr-
It boils my blood, i think my blood pressure just went up. :p
I seriously can't wait to try it out!
I think that's the reason why i can't sleep. Excitement. Pfft.

maybe, maybe not.

you and i,

will never know.

changes.

2009-06-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

Aahh-
The blog seems brighter now doesen't it?
I like it.
The other skin seemed so dark and i'm sorta out of that phase.
There's no tagboard. My apologies.
Well, its not like anybody's gonna come by here and say something.
I know i'm not popular, that's why i've decided not to make a tagboard.
But if you need me to relink you, just tell in some other way.

Another day of the june holiday passes by.
Another day of normality.
But, there's still one friggin' thing that's stuck in my mind and bugging me 'till the end of eternity!
Its dark, its evil, its torture and its;
Homework.
I know i'm exagerating about it, but i really think its that evil.
I can't really relax 'till its done, but i still want to relax first.
I know, i'm complex.

There's like a gazillion and one worksheets and projects.
I've started on a few, but that just leaves me with a gazillion more.
I wish they would all disappear. Wouldn't that be great?
But it might just take a miracle for that to happen.
Or maybe the teachers might come to their senses and just take all these homework away.
Away, away. Far, far away.

But at least there's one thing that's about to make me happy;
And that is,,
Sims 3!- Aaaahh!
I finally succeeded in pushing my brother in getting me the game!
Seriously can't wait for it. Eek-

people, people.

it would be nice to see a difference in between.

it would be nice to some originality.

you claim you have it, but i just don't see it.

when you fake it, deny it, it pisses me off.

i know i'm pathetic to not just confront you,

but at least i'm honest enough to show my flaws,

my imperfections.

i'd rather be a freak, a weirdo then,

just being a clone of society.

Computerized.

2009-06-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

The june holidays are going up my blood.
My religous exams are over! *looong sigh of relief.
Its over, but i'm pretty sure i didn't get good marks. If i pass, i'm grateful.
I don't ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever wanna fail!
Now that they're all over, i get to relax abit.
Notice the word 'abit'. I'm still worrying about my homework.
There's so much that i get the feeling that my teachers want to torture us.

A week of holiday has passed, as for some of my friends, it has been a week off Cca.
Am i right?
All the days of the week, guess where i've been?;
My arse on the chair in front of the computer.
Been watching videos, occaisional auditioning and of course, sims 2.
It isn't as much fun anymore. It isn't as much anymore fun anymore because the sims 3 has come out!
Arggghh! I want it! I want it, i want it, i want it, i want it, i want it, i want it NOW!
I've begged my borther almost everyday to get me the friggin' game!
He won't budge an inch.
Grr-

Since there's no sims 3 installed in my pc, i guess i just have to stick with my less entertaining routine on the computer of watching videoas on youtube.
*sigh.

i dared for distance.

and i've made a mistake, a huge one in fact.

cause now we're distant.

i guess i'm no longer that special to you huh?

i'm sad, i won't lie.

but i just, can't accept it.

i can't accept the fact that we're no longer in that phase.

i wish i could tell directly to you,

but i can't build up the courage to.

i'm pathetic.

but i guess you've found someone, someone maybe better than me.

you've move on, and i'll try to.

Normality.

2009-06-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

Sheesh. June holidays isn't as much fun as i thought it would be.
The only thing is that i get to lie on my heavenly bed as much as i want.

Mann, i want to get out of the house, but i don't want to take all the trouble to get ready to get out of the house.
Get it? Obviously you don't.
At least yesterday i got to get of the house in just my uniform.
Didn't have to think much of my appearance as i was going to school.
Hours away to the end of the Scientific Thinking Programme.
Was relieved and yet sad.
Relieved that the project was about to be over and sad that i couldn't use it as a reason to escape anything from home or school anymore.
Our project was on solar power.
Jeez, the judeges found it so hard just to understand how to power up the rechargeble batteries.
And you call yourself a 'professor'. Pfft.

Bored bored.
I just can't wait to get my hands on that sims 3!
Grr-
I'm gonna have to wait at least a week for it, as promised from my no so trustful brother.
At least i have my sims 2.
Isn't as fun as it used to be though.

There's alot of things my oh so boring life that isn't as what it used to be.
My parents aren't what they used to be,
Friends, or friendships aren't as what they used to be either.
*sigh.
Maybe i made that way. Maybe, or maybe it just happened.
People change.
They can change if they want, but just don't change in a friggin' irritating way.

When you're irritating, i avoid you. Just so i don't get pissed off at you.
But some of you are avoiding me.
I don't mind, but it still hurts. But ehh, no point showing it right?

This may just be the end of my post.
Nobody reads it anyway. I just like to test my typing skills. ;]

Pushover.

2009-05-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

My godd, i have s splitting headache!
Argh!

I feel like lying on my bed the whole friggin' day!
I don't care if anyone else is more tired than me, but i'm tired.
I know, i know i should have gone for the meeting today, but you can't force me to do something i don't really want to do.
Its like asking a carnivore to eat greens.
Its been too long since i've been pushed or giving way.
I;ve been pushed to the friggin' edge and i'm about to fall.
I don't want to fall!
That's why i'm pushing back.
I'm sorree if i offended you or hurt you in any way.
But,,
Would you like it if i kept asking you to do things that you didn't really want to do?
Honestly, would you?
I know you're angry, but i really didn't want to go to something that wasn't even going to include me.
Don't make me feel guilty by blaming me for something i'm wrong for.

I'm not cut out for conflicts like this.
But please, don't push me anymore.
If i say yes, just appreaciate it.
If i say no, just accept it.
I really don't want to fall off that edge, i don't want to be a pushover anymore!
I don't want to be at the bottom where people can just throw things at me.
I don't want to be sad, pathetic and just following other people's instructions or whatever.

I'm sorreee ouhkae? If you think i 'abandoned' you in someway.

I just didn't want to do it.

When Boredom Strikes, A Quiz Is Taken.

2009-05-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage: plain water.
2. last phone call: friday.
3. last text message: i have no prepaid!
4. last song you listened to: make you smile.
5. last time you cried: just now. cried in pain!

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice: ahah, no.
7. been cheated on: uuh, maybe. never really found out.
8 kissed someone & regretted it: no. never really.
9. lost someone special: maybe.
10.been depressed: at school? yeah. at home? nahh.
11.been drunk and threw up: NO!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. black.
13. purple.
14. orange.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: somewhat made and lost.
16. Fallen out of love: hmm, i think so.
17. laughed until you cried: just now. a funny video came up.
18. Met someone who changed you: somewhat yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: i think so.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nope.
22. Been in a relationship: a few times.
23. How many kids do you want to have: four? if they were born distant-ly.
24. Do you have any pets: does a fish count?
25. Do you want to change your name: yea, but my parents game me my name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: eat pizza.
27. What time did you wake up today: 5.55am, and went back to sleep.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: June holidays!
30. Last time you saw your Mother: an hour ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: i don't see the point or the need of changing it.
32. What are you listening to right now: You Only Live Once.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: religous examinations! Grr-
35. Most visited webpage: youtube, friendster.
36. Whats your real name: Nabilah Bte Mohd. Ismail
37. Nicknames: Mummy?? Nab, Bilah-bilah??
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio!
40. Male or female?: Female.
41. Elementary?: Over with.
42. Middle School: Sembawang Sec.
43. High School/Collge: not yet, but hoping to!-
44.Hair colour: Black
45. Long or short: Loooong.
46. Height: 159, but i'm going to round it off; 160! hahahs.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: maybe.
48: What do you like about yourself?: uuh, open-minded maybe.
49. Piercings: 1 on my left ear and 1 on my right ear. :p
50. Tattoos: no way.
51. Righty or lefty: righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First injury: i think i was 6 and i fell in a drain trying to find a cat.
53. First piercing: my mom told me that i was a baby. :s
54. First best friend: i think i had one in nursery.
55. First sport you joined: i'm bum. i don't really like sports cause i tend to screw it up.
58. First vacation: Malaysia.

CURRENTLY:
59. Eating: i'm actually starving!
60. Drinking: i'm dehydrated.
61. I'm about to: go out to the kitchen and find something to eat, or just call my mother.
62. Listening to: finding home.
63. Waiting for: June Holidays!

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: yea! so when they grow up, they can do the house chores. ;P
65. Get Married?: to a rich man maybe. :p
66. Career?: successful lawyer, and then resign and stay home.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes mann!
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs, it feels like someone's massaging you. :p
69. Shorter or taller: i want to be neither a dwarf nor a giant.
70. Older or Younger: i prefer the younger days.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous. you tend to get needy at romantic.
72. Nice Abs or Nice arms: both! if you just have either, it gonna look abit weird.
73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive. loud people just hurts my ears.
74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship.
75. Troublemaker or hesitant: i think being hesitant is making trouble.

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: why would i?
77. Drank hard liquor: ugh. NO!
78. Lost glasses/contacts: never wore 'em.
79. sex on first date: i don't even like to go out on dates.
80. Broken someone's heart: maybe, don't think so though.
81. Had your own heart broken: no. what's there to be sad about?
82. Been arrested: of course not.
83. Turned someone down: maybe, i think so.
84. Cried when someone died: depends on who was lost.
85. Fallen for a friend?: once. but i never said anything.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: not really.
87. Miracles: sometimes.
88. Love at first sight: HAH! like that would ever happen.
89. Heaven: sure.
90. Santa Claus: i don't even celebrate christmas.
91. Kiss on the first date: maybe. never been on one.
92. Angels: sure.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: me? HAH! i can dream on.
95. Did you sing today?: no.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: maybe.
97. If you could go back in time,how far would you go?: there's no need to.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: yes. i don't want to know what it feels like to be heartborken. I don't want to be one of those girls who cries over guys!
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: no, i have my own title.

-Another quiz.Answer True or False
Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? False.
Q: Do you like someone? True.
Q: Held a snake? True.
Q: Been suspended from school? False.
Q: Sang karaoke? False.
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? True.
Q: Laughed until you started crying? True.
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? False.
Q: Kissed in the rain? False.
Q: Sang in the shower? True.
Q: Sat on a roof top? False.
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? False.
Q: Broken a bone? False.
Q: Shaved your head? False.
Q: Played a prank on someone? True.
Q: Shot a gun? False.
Q: Donated Blood? False.

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? - my mom, does that count?
2. You IMed? -not sure really.
3. You were in a car with? -how about a bus?
4. Went to the movies with? -Jiaen and Weiliang! beloved BFFs
5. Person you went to shop with?: Jiaen? i think.
6. You talked on the phone? - the school staff. -.-'
7. Made you laugh? -ryan stiles, collin mochery, wayne brady and greg! hahs!
8. You hugged? -my heavenly bed. :p

Crapp.

2009-05-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Here i am, at home, all alone. sigh*

I was really looking forward to going to school today.
Even though there was going to be 5stations during PE, and i couldn't go home straight after school.
I was going to get my english paper today!
And chem.
Mann, i really wanna know my marks. I want an A!

You know what happened this morning?
I got up from bed, went to wash up, and i started to puke. Jeez.
My parents asked if i was okay,, bla bla bla bla.
I was okay, cause i really really wanted my english paper.
Halfway when i was walking, i started to feel lightheaded,, and you know what happened?;
I fainted. -.-'
I hit my head on the curb of my bed. Jeez. It still hurts though.

I woke up, and there i was. Lying on my heavenly bed in my PE shirt and shorts.
I looked at the clock, aaaand, i was devastated.
It was 8.00.
My mother didn't even let me go to school!
Mann, i just wanted my english papers. And chem.

WHY?!
Why on earth did i have to faint on the day i was going to get my english papers?!
Crapp.

Jinxer.

2009-05-21T05:05:00.000-07:00

Crapp.
I just have to tell you this! Its so hilarious!

My friggin' jinx worked! You know what?;
I supported that "Adam Lambert", and he lost!
[I was actually supporting Kris] :p

HAHS!
I was hoping for it. ;D

But Adam Fanberts, not to worry.
I gurantee you,
He's gonna be totally famous, and make albums.
Just like the other non-American Idols.

My jinx worked! Hahs,
I'm so phsyced! ;D Sorree Fanberts.

But i really wanted him to lose. :p

Relief.

2009-05-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

A looooooong- sigh of relief*

Mann, i'm wiped. The mye's been taken, answered and marked.
B- B- B-. Jeez, i've been getting a B over and OVER! Crapp.
Doesen't an A come before B? Maann.
Art-B. Maths -B. MT-B. Physics -B. Jeez! Where's the friggin' A?
Just waiting, 'waiting' for my long awaited A, tomorow.
Looking forward to english paper tomorow. Chem? Ehh, not really that excited but i still want my results.

Just when i though it was all over, after the mid-year went by;
But,,
Religous class- mye's are starting up.
Crapp. I can't catch a friggin' break. sigh*

I'm really no good at those subjects. I pay attention, but;
I still don't understand! Grr-
I don't really have friends to depend on. Ask questions, or ask what's happening when i'm absent.
I guess its my fault. I don't really talk to them, I don't know how!
I'm totally not compatible with them. Eek-

Sunday- That's the day.
Two papers; 'Hadith' and 'Sirah'. I'll work hard, i will. I'm gonna read the pages that i'm supposed to but,,
Since the mye's finished i feel too relaxed.
I wanna rest anyways! I just feel like skipping those two papers and doing it another day.
I'm just so tired, so wiped out.

Could i? Skip it?
Argh! Why can't i make decisions? Oh crapp.
I just looked at the calendar. I totally can't skip it.
The following week, i'm going to Batam and can't take the other two papers.
So that means, if i skip this one, i'm going to have to retake ALL four papers at once, which i do not want to do.

Sigh*
I wish i didn't have to take it.
I wish i could just rest.

Weeps*-

2009-05-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

To Experince

Anything,

You Have To Risk,

Everything.

-Cathy Giusewite.

Sunday, Heh.

2009-05-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday.
Thank god tomorow is a holiday or else i would be rushing through everything.

Today woke up early in the morning.
Mann, felt like sleeping more actually buuuut; couldn't.
Had to go to the mosque; Masjid Ahmad Ibrahim.
Went to ' tilawathun ' and said, read prayers. Had alot of difficulties.
But there was some entertainment.
Suddenly enjoyed myself. Unsual really,,

Whenever the weekend starts, my teeth start to shiver and my nails are bitten.
I keep worrying about sundays and religous classes.
I'm not saying i hate them or its burden or anything, but its like i have dual personality.
When i'm there, i become this timid, quiet and awkward girl.
I bump into things and somehow humiliate myself.
Aaaaand, since my malay is totally weak and i tend to doze off every now and then,,
I seriously don't understand what they are trying to get through to me.
I mean, i understand abit but not until i could get 70/100.

Sigh.

This year, i seldom go to class like always do every year.
I've been at that school since i was nursery and yet,
Nobody seems to remember or know that i even exist.
Even is they do, i'm not compatible with them. I can't communicate with them.
In the end, i end up as the stupid, loner girl.
I know i'm pathetic.

I wish there was a "cure" for this timid and quietness.
Or a friend there with me.

Friendship.

2009-05-09T07:16:00.000-07:00

Its Saturday!
The start of a lousyy weekend. Heh,,
But it seemed like a pretty good start though.

Today,
Went to the movies with Wei Liang and Jia En.
Watched X-Men Origins; Wolverine. (Ty for the "treat"! Really appreaciate it.)
Its waaas, okaaaay. Pretty interesting. Explained everything i wondered about Logan.
It was touching, but not really to the extent that i would cry.
(I only cried when Jean Killed Prof. X :P)

After the 'intensifying' movie, abruptly decided to go to SSC.
We ate, we drank,we chat aaaand obvioiusly; studied. Hahs! Unbelivable right?
Wei Liang and Jia En didn't have the mood to study.
I did the worksheet all by myself. Hmmph.
Only did half of the worksheet. Wei Liang and Jia En too restless already.
But at least got some tips from the "maths genuises".

Walked around the mall,, pretty boring there.
We went to 'Daiso' aka. Two Dollar Shop. Hahas.
Looked around, we obviously,, (with Jia En around) tried on shades.
We kept trying them on like a bunch of morons. Haha!
People kept looking at us with confusion, thinking that we escaped from the zoo or something.

Wasn't able to finish any homework. Wails* x[
But no worries, (Even though i NEVER stop worrying) there's still Vesak Day!
Woots!~
But hope to finish everything on Sunday so that i could totally rest on Monday.

Young Love;

2009-05-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

if i only knew your name, i'd go to from door to door.

searching all the crowded streets for the face that i once saw,

if i only knew your name i'd go from door to door.

tell me have you seen the boy i met just once before?

one night of love,

nothing more nothing less

one night of love,

to put my head in a mess,

is that you on the bus?

is that you on the train?

you wrote your number on my hand but it came off in the rain.

one night of love,

nothing more nothing less

one night of love,

has left my bed in a mess

is that you on the bus?

is that you on the train?

you wrote your number on your hand but it came off in the rain.

if i only knew your name i'd go from door to door

searching all the crowded streets for the face that i once saw

if i only knew your name i'd from door to door

tell 'em have seen the boy i met just once.

young love, never seems to last

far too young until they have a past

one night of love,

nothing more nothing less

one night of love,

that left my heart in a mess.

young love, never seems to last

far too young until they have a past

playing games,

people move so fast

you don't need eyes to see;

if someone's got a heart of glass.

if i only knew your name i'd go from door to door

searching all the crowded streets for the face that i once saw

if i only knew your name i'd go from door to door

tell me have you seen the boy i met just once before?

credits;

MYSTERy JETS. :D

Replaced.

2009-05-07T01:54:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like i'm good enough for you anymore.
I'm second - rate and worn - out for you.
I don't really feel that close to you anymore.
Feels like you've put me aside. You see me, but i'm almost invisible to you.
Why?

What have i done? Or what have others done to you?
I've changed. I admit that. But why can't you? Why do you deny that you've changed?
You've changed the way you talk to me.
You've changed the way you look at me.
I'm second-rate to you. I'm not saying that i have to be no.1 in your heart.
I know that's too far for me, but why did you changed almost all the things you've did with me?

Its like you don't want to be close to me anymore.
You've got a new person in your life, i understand. But honestly, i feel;
UNDER-RATED.
I know i'm just being jealous, but i don't feel the closeness, the bond we used to have.
You're always with them/her/him or whoever. What happened to me?
Abandoned is it?

I've been put aside. I don't think you've noticed that.
I don't think you understand how i really feel inside.
I would tell you, i've tried a hundred and one times,, believe me but the thought that you wouldn't listen or even hear me out is trapped in my mind.

So, go on. Push me aside from you way with her/him/them.

2009-05-07T01:28:00.000-07:00

Today was tiring and especially hot!
My god, i don't i could have concentrated in class due to the humidity.
When i went home, i was sweating like rain was pouring! (just a figure of speech.)
Sad though, couldn't go home with Jia en because of NP. Hmph! ;P

Worries conquered me at this period, with English mye just tommorow!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!-
And another paper next friday! shivers*
Just hope i get good results, as good as the other 2e1's. >.<

Today in school, had art; messy ,, messy art.
Luckily, it didn't hit my tie.
I didn' finish the bloody cup. Will continue next week though.
(Making a clay cup is harder than it sounds.)

After that, had english! My most favourite (and beloved) subject! I love the teacher too.
Did nothing much but revised for tommorow's mye.
Had recess then. Didn't eat, didn't do anything much.
It was pretty boring today, except for art maybe. :D

The feeling of nervous and excitement is mixed up in me.
I'm somewhat excited for the Batam trip. It will not be postponed! Yayy!
I know some of you aren't glad, but i am! Hahs,, ;D
But i am nervous for the totally nerve-racking mye's. eek~
I just want to get it over with, so i can enjoy the rest of the month and the Batam trip!
Woohoooo!~
But i do want to get it over with flying colours. Its 25% of our whole year!
I want to work hard for it, but i just don't have the discipline for it.
Sighs,,

Mye's is like jumping off a cliff with a parachute to me.
The ones who work hard or are naturally smart, are able to open the parachute and land safely.
But i'm the one who would have difficulty just pulling the string for the parachute to open.
In the end; i land terribly and painfully.
I get bruises and wounds, which is; having bad results.

You want to know why i couldn't open it? Cause i'm a total bum.
I don't practice, i don't revise. I want to! But i always end up doing something else.
Stupid conscience.

When Boredom Strikes, A Quiz Is Taken.

2009-05-05T21:56:00.001-07:00

1. Besides your lips , where is your favourite spot to get kissed?
- My cheek, i guess.

2. How do you feel when you woke up this morning ?
- Sick, with a splitting headache and fever. :(

3. Who was the last person you took a photo with?
- Jia en, i think.

4. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled ?
- I don't think so..

5. Would you ever donate blood ?
- Sure, if its for a good price. Hahas! [jk] Sure i will. :D

6. Had you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex ?
-I did.

7. Do you want someone dead?
- Dead?! No no no, i'd like the person to suffer first. >:)

8. What does your last text message say?
- "I don't think i can make it,, my fever is quite high."

9.What are you thinking of right now?
- Thinking of how i'm going to answer this question. Hahs!- :D

10. Do you wish someone was with you right now ?
- Yupp! 'My obsession.' :p

11. What time did you go to sleep last night?
- 10.00 p.m

12.Where did you buy the T-shirt you wearing right now ?
- I got it for free actually, at a malay camp. :D

13. Is someone on your mind right now ?
- Hmm, yupp.

14. Who was the last person to text you ?
- Lim Jia en. / Beloved daughter. Heehs. :D

Sunshine, In A Bag.

2009-05-05T03:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday,
I had my malay oral. Aaaaargh! I really don't like malaaaay! I'm no good at it.
Really really weak at this subject. Grr.
I screwed up at so many parts!
The reading and the conversation. I kept stuttering panicking.
Who can blame me? I was sooooo nervous.
I crack under pressure!
When she asked me questions, i totally went blank!
I then started shaking and the words didn't really come out of my shivering mouth like i wanted to.
But, i had some glimmering hope.
Today, i was told my malay listening comprehension and oral.
I was lifted up, i got a 16/20 and 32/40! Which makes 24%/30%!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I was so happy and uplifted!
I felt like a really really heavy burden was lifted off me. (Its cliche', i know.)

Today,
The principal and vice, came into our english class!
But anyhow, we had loads of fun. Ms Goh (our bloved english teacher) was teaching us how to describe people in our compo writing.
We were given groups and we were given a "body part" to describe.
When we added our descriptions all together, it became this;
"He has short and permed hair which parts in the centre. The coulour of his hair is bright orange that it looked like an orange fruit. He has fierce eyes and thin lips with an ugly scar on his left cheek. He then has a huge 'hunky' body that looks like its about to explode and veins popping out his arms."
When we drew it out, it hideous! And really hilarious. I laughed like there was no tommorow.

After school, i was longing to go home. But, had chem remedial.
It was really really useful. I finally understand "transparently clear."

I am now finally home and i don' to be seperated from my home ever again!
(Even though i do have to go to school tommorow.) D:

Immaturity / Patheticness.

2009-05-01T02:18:00.000-07:00

You know the guys in malay class that just can't seem to keep their wide mouths close?
And the guys that sit outside the back gate doing nothing, acting cool, just watching other people go by.

These are the people that just piss me off.

In malay class, some of you just can't seem to shut up.
Is it so hard to keep your wide mouth close? Or does someone have to tape it up for you?
Why do you have to act cool doing something that's totally not?
I don't get it. Its just stupid to act big, when your brain is so "small".
You can laugh the the teacher when he/she does something weird every once in a while,
But there's a friggin' limit 'till you make someone really angry.

Plus, you don't have to act special when you walk out of the class.
In fact, its stupid and pathetic to act bigger than someone who's in charge.
Its also stupid and pathetic to act cool by doing/saying childish things.
Its immature.

Those outside the back gate, just seems to be acting cool just because they're not in school.
Big deal. So you're not in school on time.
What makes you so special when you sit there?
What makes you better than the rest of us?
You're doing nothing but just acting cool on the stupid, wabbly fence.
Seriously, what are you doing there?
Admiring the 'goody-two-shoes' students or just acting stupid?

Even you pretenders make me sick.
You try to act like something you can't even pull off.
Who are you kidding?
With you short skirts, trendy shoes, printed bag and low socks.
With your tube dresses, make-up, skinny jeans or whatever.
What are you trying to prove? That you're not unique? That you're just like the rest?
You claim you wanted orignality, but what happened?
Its like you were brainwashed to be this, this; a pretender. a low-life. a poser.
When you really, really changed, i really couldn't talk to you, i couldn't look at you;
Because i couldn't take you anymore. I'm sorree.

So just stop acting big, acting cool, acting to be something you can't be, acting better,
Because it just pisses me off.

Day Off.

2009-04-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

Its Labour Day! Yay! :D
Aaaaah- finally a break! Man, school's been fustrating with the mye's coming up.

I'm really really really really sorree i cried in class yesterday.
I really didn't want to! But i couldn't help it. I really didn't want to make a scene.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
My maths is failing, my mother toungue's a goner and my sciene's about to fail.
Sigh,
What can i do? I'm trying my best. And i don't want to fall to NA!
Another year in Sembawang Sec? No Way.

I need to buck up, but i seriously don't know how. I'm confused, lost really.
I don't know what to do. Even if i try, i fail.
Only god knows what's going to happen to me for this year.

After school, went to Sembawang Shopping Centre with;
Jia En, Siling, Adrinna and Farisah.
Even though it was called a "shopping centre", there wasn't really much to shop.
I did have lots of fun.
We went up and down, up wasn't really much to see, down was abit better.
But the whole place seemed abit deserted.
We did bump into some seniors who were doing "secret shopping". Haha ;D
We ate, we browsed through and we went home.

Trapped In My Mind.

2009-04-28T00:56:00.002-07:00

There are so many things that's been going through my mind during school.
But there has been one thought that has been in my head for sooo long now;

Jean Baptiste Maunier !♥

Aaaaah~
You should see him, he's soo well, good-looking, that his face can't escape my mind.
I really really really really wish that one day, i could meet in person.
Once we've met, we could be good friends!
I know it could never happen, but i wish it would.

His face is like an angel, and his voice; ouh myy gawsh!(sorree for sounding like a b*tch.)
Both his face and his voice are so angellic.
Another great thing is, he sings in french! Ah!-
Whenever i hear him sing or sees his picture, my heart feels fluttered or something.
Its like when you're close to the person you're having a crush on.
I even have butterflies in my stomach just hearing him or seeing his pictures.

If only, if only!; i could meet him or get in touch with him.
I know its like wishing i had wings.
Haaaaaaaaaaah~

I know i'm going to sound pathetic when you read this.
But i am what i am! And i am suddenly obsessed with; him.

When i see his face in my mind, i feel happy.
I almost feel that almost only him can make me feel this.
What about you? Have you made me feel such a way?
No. I don't think so. All you've ever made me feel is anger.
You don't know me! How dare you say such things. Its like as if you've known me all my life.
Maybe, i don't like him? Maybe i' just better than you?
Have you ever thought about that?

Why are you just so mindless? Why are you so stupid, so so, idiotic?!
It makes me angry when you conclude the wrong things and make it the truth about me.
You don't know me. Don't mock me. Just don't. I've enough of it.

Just stop.

Les Choriste.

2009-04-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

Haaaaaaaaah-
Soo dizzy and giddy. Didn't go to school to day.
Actually, i was going to school, but halfway, i felt soo dizzy i almost felt like fainting.

Sigh.
I wish i wasn't this weak. I wish i was stronger, faster, better. Just like some.
I envy almost evryone, for their looks, stamina or whatever they have that i don't.

Butu i think its okay, i've occupied my time by watching this amaaaazing story;
Les Choriste.
Where do i begin with this story?
Its so touching. These boys who are orphans are "trapped" in a school of hell,
And forgotten by society and as a result, they have rebeled.
But a supervisor,Monsiuer Mathieu, a failed musician comes in.
He was inpsired by the kids to teach to them music when they were singing(teasing) him.

Soon, he had gathered his very own choir and even composing music for them.
Finally, he had thought, his music was played. I was very happy for him at that moment.
But honestly, this movie is really long, so- i can't tell you everything.

But there was this one boy, a "pretty boy", Pierre Morhange, who looks like angel, sings like one too.
Aaaaaaah~ you should hear him sing. It literally touches my heart that i could almost cry.
Aaaaaand- he has the most amazing face, its like could anyone be any more handsome?
To meet him up close, to meet him face to face, it would be one in a lifetime opportrunity.

A sudden obsession. With a guy. Shocking isn it? (I'm being sarcastic here.)
Finally, a face that would brighten up my day, don't get me wrong most of you do but,
He's so, angellic. I could never take my eyes OR ears off him.

And people, please pray for my 2.4km run and mye's!
Please pray! With my lazy bum, i can get nowhere with my studies. =.="

Promises To Break.

2009-04-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

You Said You Wouldn't Leave, You Even Promised Me

And I Thought It Was True,

Until It Came Where I Was Unknown To You.

I Was Then, Blind To See;

For What You Became To Be.

And What You've Done To Me.

If I Had A Wish,

I Wish That I'd Dissappear.

So That You Wouldn't See Me Shed A Tear.

You Took My Heart.

You Then Tore It Apart.

At First,

I Thought You Were Full Of Passion

And Would Always Care Fpr Me With Affection.

But I Thought Wrong,

As The Relationship We Shared Was Not For Long.

When You Left,

And You Were Gone,

I Fell To Ground.

But I Stood Up And Knew That It Was Time To Move On.

Pretenders.

2009-04-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

Pretenders; i'm one of them i admit. But they are those who deny they are one.

I can't stop pretending in front you, i seriously cannot show my true self.
But, ithink some of you can but you just don't want to.
You want to show others that you're better than them right?
Well, sorry to say but you're not. Face what you are.
Just face your flaws, your weaknesses, your imperfections; what you are.
I have, why can't you?

I can't see all of you like this. It makes me sick. But i don't want to hate any of you.
I really don't.
You may have the authority, you may be popular, you may be as pretty as ever,
But, you may also take what you have and abuse it.
When you abuse it, you get carried away, and that's where i think you're pretending.
Especially; a wannabe. You want to be what you're not.

There are some people, i don't wanna point out, are seriously making me pissed off.
I hate your attitude, i hate your uncontrollable emotions, i hate what you always bitch about.
When you say this, what do you expect ME to say?
When you cry, what do you expect ME to do?
When you show me your attitude, how do you expect ME to respond?

I've said what you've wanted to hear.
I've done what you've wanted me to do.
I've responded in a way that you've wanted me to.
What more do you want?

I sometimes think that you're all this for other people's attention.
Cause you're crying over nothing.
You might say it isn't your fault, but i think it is.
Even if it is, why cry about it? In school? These little things? I just think its pretty pathetic.
And i can't tolerate it anymore. I really feel like saying what i really want to say.
But i can't. Because i am your friend. This is what i've done for you.
What have you done for me? What will you do for me? I'm guessing nothing.

I just think that you'll just abandon me, like you did the last time.

Misunderstanding.

2009-04-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

Councillors;

You have been mistaking us for 'superheros' for so long.
I want it to stop. Now! Before i get friggin' mad.
We are not invincible, or super people or intelligent aliens.
We are human beings! I repeat! HUMAN BEINGS.

As human being we are allowed mistakes right?
Just as you teachers and other students are allowed mistakes.
We are just role models to the school. Its like we make the school "pretty".

In fact councillors should be allowed more mistakes,
even though we don't make mistakes that often.
We are more busy than any other student. We take up our time and our skills, for other students.
(I know, I'm reciting the pledge.)

Even though we are councillors, we are still people.
People forget to do their homework. People get tired. People get angry.
We are People! Not super people.

Please, if we make a mistake, don't say we are an embarassment to the school.
We are people, human beings who have just made a mistake.

I'm Losing My Grip, But I Don't Want To Fall.

2009-04-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the cheers. It somehow gave me wings to fly back up to the edge of that cliff.
But still, there's something wrong with me. I still feel like i'm about to fall, again.
I want to change. I really do want to change for all of you. But its difficult. It really is.

I always thought that there'd be no one waiting for me wherever i turn.
I've thought wrong i admit. But honestly, i think wrong all the time; my mother claims it. ;P
There have been a few beaming lights shining on some people, showing that they are worthy of my trust and companionship.
But there has been alot of dissapointment. Too much really. The feeling is now stuck inside of me.
But right now, i feel like exploding. But i can't. I don't have the heart to do such a thing.

You may think that i literally have no heart, no feelings; but that's not true.
I just don't want to show it, i don't want to trouble those around me.
I cry when you're all gone. I pour it all out when you've walked away.
I put on a mask, flooded with my tears behind whenever you're around.
But i can't take it anymore.
I'll run away as far as i can if that is what it takes to not show;
These water droplets falling down my face.

Friendship is such a strong word.
I don't think i have it anymore. The trust i have given;
Is taken for granted, put aside, thrown away- worn out.
Why? What have i done to deserve what you've done to me?
I've repeated this. I know. But i still want to know>why?
Why aren't you there anymore whenever turn, looking for you? Why?
I may not be picture perfect, or a genius or whatever- but you're my friend.
Aren't friends supposed to be there for you? Aren't they supposed to stand by your side?
Isn't that what i've done for you?

I'm sorry if i can't be what you've wanted me to be.
I'm sorry, i really am.

Not Alone, Yet Unknown.

2009-04-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty good day i must say. Except for the three-periods of English!
I love English and all, but almost two hours in the same classroom could drive you nuts!
I had netball after that.

Sigh.

I don't seem to have much close friends in that CCA.
I actually joined it to get to know the other malay girls better. But in the end, it somehow made me feel more alone than ever.
Is there something wrong with me? Or is it that i'm too quiet?
I'm trying my best to speak up, its just that i always seemed to be ignored.
Is it because that i'm no good at the sport?
Or is it that i'm too quiet? Or is it that you just don't like me?
What is it?

Even in class i'm sometimes feeling ignored.
The teachers don't really listen to what i say, my friends don't really seem to bother me anymore.
What's wrong? What's happening?
Am i just over reacting?
Even if i am, they would talk to me once in awhile.

I feel abandoned. Literally.
Even after netball, i thought there'd be someone there, waiting for me.
In the end, she was gone. I was 'abandoned'.
That pushed me to the edge. Right now, i'm falling as we speak.
I don't feel like i have anymore hope. Its gone, totally lost.
I'm sorry, for anything wrong that i've done. I'm sorry.

You can hate me if you want. I can't stop you neither can i do anything.
I'm sorry. I really am.
I can't help it if i'm like this.
I know i'm; stupid, ugly, really weak and totally not atheletic.
I'm sorry if i can't change for any of you.

But i just think that some of you should be sorry too.

A Series Of Events.

2009-04-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

Haha, I wouldnt' really say today was a series of events, but alot of things really did happen for me today.

You know what?
Today's rain was totally heavy. I love rain. But this was seriously scary.
A strike of lightning almost struck me! My jaw was opened like a hippo.
Super - scary.
I was under shelter, bt the way the rain poured, I was soaked!

At school;
First up, IH test.
Then, chemistry test.
After that, physics test.
Sigh. Too many tests. But- thank goodness all of the tests were only a few pages.

After school, had to teach the non-malays to actually speak malay.
It was absolutely hilarious.
The way the chinese spoke malay, it was pretty awkward.
But i'm sure if i spoke chinese they'd laugh at me too. :D
Joon Ming- forever hilarious. His face already says it. Hehs.

After that hilarious period, i went to the Melbourne results.
I was about to know if i was to travel to, uuh Australia i think.
But before the announcement, i went through my bag. And guess what?
I lost my friggin' handphone!
During the announcement, i was so nervous that i forgot all about my handphone.
The results were so suspenseful. Even though the teacher claimed that she didn't know how to create suspense.
Name after name was called out,
Then i heard my name! I was so excited! Aaaah-
But then i started thinking wether i was able to support for the trip.
I mean, we still have the Batam trip even though its only $100.

After the result, i remembered about my lost handphone.
Went to the office, but they claimed that no one turned it in. I was devastated.
Then i went to the locker, checked in there, but nada. Even more devastated.
Suddenly i heard Jannah saying about my handphone.
I checked it out, Mr Tamil was holding it.
I was so happy, even though it was only a few hours of losing my handphone. :D

I'm still thinking though, should i still go to Melbourne?
I'm afraid that my parents can't afford it. I can't see my parents being troubled.
Its so painful seeing them like that. Should i still go? Sigh.
Hope i can find a solution for the trip and for my Mye's. Please.

And people!- don't forget to pray for me for my 2.4km run! PRAY! ty! :D!

Hatred.

2009-04-20T02:55:00.001-07:00

I don't want to hate you, but you make it difficult.
By 'you',
I mean alot of you.
I can't take it. I just feel like slapping each and every one of your pathetic faces.

If i'm ugly, you look at me in such way.
If i'm a pushover, you literally push me over.
If i'm not smart, you call me stupid.
If i drop my handphone, you say "awesome!"

What don't you like about me?
What have i done to you, to deserve what you've done to me?
Please. I don't want to spend the rest of my time hating you.
Cause you're not worth it. Low - lifes.

Why do you all think that you're the prettiest girl in the school?
Why do you all think that you're the smartest person on earth?
And why do you think that you're better than me?
If you do think you're any of these things,
Then wake the hell up sucker. You're not. You're an equal. The ONLY exception is;
If you're the queen of england. Which is, never gonna happen.

Sigh.
I don't like to do this. I made this blog so i could write "happy" things,
But it seems that is not gonna happen.

Just please, stop pretending. Stop thinking that you're better than everbody,
Cause it makes me sick. And the vomit might just end up on your face.

This does not include JIA EN! and some others.

Tears.

2009-04-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

Problems? I think i've found a new and more toturing meaning to it.

I've cried i won't lie. I'm emotional i admit it. I can't hold back my tears i'm sorree to say.
But there's one thing about me;
I don't like to make a scene. Trust me.

Even if i've cried, i don't think there's a point to it.
The wet droplets that falls down my face, my cheeks, are practically useless.
No one can help. No one can understand. No one knows.
Cause,
I'll never tell.

I'm a pretender in front of your faces i'm sorree to say.
A pretentious one in fact.
You can hate me, or you can try to understand me. You can try and do whatever you want.
But i'm sealed. Locked. The key?
Lost.
Its somewhere out there. I just can't seem to find it or even see it.

No one understands. Even if the words that come out of this mouth are almost common sense.
I'll try to speak, but something gets the better of me.
I could never tell;
How i feel, what i know, and what i want to say.
Its easy as 1+1. But it seems like 98 to the power of 156 to me.

I know i'm pathetic. You don't have to waste your time reading this.
You won't understand.
I'll never tell, and you never will.

I can't cry anymore. I can't bother anyone anymore with my tears.
I just can't.

Pretentious.

2009-04-18T01:30:00.000-07:00

Its the start of the not so long weekend.
With the piled up homework, "yay." =.='

Ugh.
Just wish i could get rid of everything i seriously hate.
People,
Nagging,
Homework.

Can't catch a break, but sure can catch the people that i'm disgusted with.
Is there something about me?
Is there some sort of thing that attracts these people?
If there is, i seriously need to get rid of it a.s.a.p!
Cause i'm kinda pissed off with these people right now.
I just can't take them.
I can't help them, i can't respond to them, i can't even talk to them!
What am i supposed to do?! Huh?!

I could just jump off a building right now.
With the Mye's coming and with my lazy butt; i'm doomed.
Who on earth can help me? No one, but my myself.
And "myself" is totally useless. What can i do? What?
I've got nothing. No brains, no pretty-like face, no atheletic-ness, NOTHING.

Oh No.

I'm cornered with failure.
I'm just a pathetic loser.

Doomed.

2009-04-17T05:01:00.000-07:00

Man,
Today sucked to core. Didn't do my physics homework (had a totally valid reason!) then, got kicked out of class. With the councillor tie!
Technically, i DID my physics homework. Just 2/4 of it.
Hey, i tried.
Well, the teacher also said just four questions.
I just did half of it. I wanted to do it all, but i was sooooo sleepy. It was at least 11.30. And i was really tired cause of the sec 1 councillor induction.
And before i did my physics homework, i had to do my entire malay workbook!
Plus, i totally suck at mother tongue. So, it took me a friggin' long time to finish it.
But at least i didn't get caught while outside class.
Just my luck huh?

After THAT gruelling lesson,
I then had PSP! (not play station portable.) PSP; Peer Support Programme.
It was for the sec 1's.
Then i was late for a meeting afterwards.
We got a scolding, but honestly, i didn't know what it was about.
I think it was about the councillors being late to the meeting.
But come on, you gotta consider about we had to do during FT.
Plus, the sec 1's were pretty slow at understanding about what we were talking about.
So, can you blame us?! Come on, just be fair. Its not that hard.
Aaaand, to point out another opinion,
Isn't the councillor board supposed to be somewhat fun?
I know i know that its not ALL fun and games, but its becoming really annoying to attend meetings when you know you're gonna get scolded over the SAME thing. Its guranteed.
Last point;
COUNCILLORS ARE NOT SUPERHUMANS.
WE ARE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS.
WE SHOULD BE ALLOWED MISTAKES.
WE SHOULD BE ALLOWED FOGET OUR HOMEWORK ONCE IN AWHILE!
If we are councillors, it does not mean we can do the impossible.
It just means we are role models, get it?! Better get it.
Cause i'm getting friggin' annoyed whenever some people say;
"You are an embarassment to council board." (in a squeaky way.)

Aaaaaaaafter that, had Scientific Thinking Programme.
It was pretty fun, to me.
Sat in an air-conditioned room for a few hours, then FREE FOOD!
Hahas.

And people! Pray for me on my 2.4km run!
Pray that i pass! PRAY! ;D

Thumbs Down.

2009-04-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

Feeling aloooot of pain right now.
Didn't go to school today. Great isn't it? Clapsclaps* ;D Hahas.
Cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp.
Too much pain.
Then i thought, what's the point of going to school if i can't even concentrate due to SOOO MUCH PAIN!
So i skipped school.
My parents are pretty understanding. If i'm in pain or sick then i'm in pain! or sick.
Hehs.

Rigt now i'm just spending my time here, and watching aloooot of anime.
Ugh. The story made me cry sooo much.
I couldn't help it.It was just so sad!~ Well, to me.
Couldn't stop crying. 'Till now tears are still coming out! ;[
Owuuuuuh~
There's only 25 episodes. IWANTSEASON2!- I know, i'm creeping you out right now.
But this is me. So deal with it, or get use to it. Heehs.

Still can't stop crying!~ I guess i'll just watch a different but FUNNY anime. :D

Insecurity.

2009-04-13T03:54:00.000-07:00

For the post before, i didn't really mean it. (eeek!-)
I was just really really really really friggin' angry. Had to pour it out before it exploded in me.

You know what? I've been getting the feeling lately that everyone seems to hate me.
Don't know why, but was there something wrong that i did unconsciously?
Or is there something wrong with me? Am just annoying like a blabbermouth?
A machine gun maybe?
Maybe its just me or maybe i'm right;
Everyone does hate me.

I look at people, i feel like they're making fun of me inside their minds.
I feel like a so called "mind reader" and i can hear their insulting comments in their minds.
Buuuuut; maybe i'm just overreacting about myself.
Is it that i'm insecure? I'm puzzled. Seriously.
I sometimes think that i'm just not good enough for these 'strangers' around me.

Its like; when you see a boy, and you would impress that guy so that what?; the possibility that he would be attracted to you right?
Well, that's not what i really feel.
Its like when I see guy, i just feel that i'm this nerdy, awkward girl and i'm not good enough for guys like this.
When i feel that, i feel that i'm not good enough for everyone. You get it?

sigh..

I don't think anyone would get me.
Not my parents,
Not my brothers or sisters or whatever,
Not even you.

You could try but i don't think you would be successful,
Cause i really hate pouring out feelings to another person.
But i'm really not pretending.
I just don't to trouble those around me just to comfort me.

Am i good enough? Or am just, strange or weird or whatever?
Am i?

Hey Sis, You Suck.

2009-04-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

I hate her. I HATE her!
Man, you're full of effin' shit you know that?!
God! What have i done? huh?!

You're just full of SHIT! I can't take you anymore! You're too effin' emotional you friggin' asshole!
If i didn't help you with one little effin' thing that makes me a bad person?
Fuck You.
Seriously, FUCK YOU! I hate you! I effin' hate you!
What have i done huh? I've been sucking up to you all this time!
What do i get from you? This fucked up attitude is what you're gonna give me?

Then fuck you!

I've done nothing, NOTHING but suck up to you, you effin' asshole.
I've been protecting you, you know that?
Every teeeny weeeny thing you wanna cry. You wanna get so fucked up.
Well, now I'm fucked up you effin' asshole. You're so full of shit nowadays you know that?

UGH!

I just friggin' hate you right now! Fuck you! Fuck YOU!
You piece of crap.

I've been helping you with whatever you friggin' needed. And this is what i effin' get?!
You throw my shoes out of the house, you splash water at me.
You need some friggin' help you know that? You need some effin' help you PSYCHO!

Just go back to what you were, is that so impossible? ISSIT?!
If you're gonna effin' change or at least buck up,
Then leave me alone, cause now;

You're just so FULL OF SHIT.

Originality, You Obtain It? Really?

2009-04-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

Everytime i visit blogs or friendsters or whatever, the one thing i would see them write is;
Have Originality.
But when i look throught their pics, or keep on reading their profile,
They're just copies! Clones! Duplicates!

To me, when you're writing that, you're already copying. Every girl says the same thing,

But i don't see them having originality.

In their pictures they 'pout', the way they dress seems so, well; COPIED.

They all wear the same thing, skinny jeans, tube dresses or whatever.

And they claim they are expressing their true self. "PFFFFT!"

They even wear those printed bags which seems so common.

Don't claim it if you don't have it, just don't. It pisses me off.

Grrr!

The Rhymes Of My Life.

2009-04-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

Forever Be, With Me. Please.

Every Time I Looked At You,

I Felt Like Life Was A Dream, A Fantasy,

But When You Looked Away,

I Came Back To Reality.

Every Time You Were In My Sight,

My Day Seemed So Bright.

When You Seem Nice To Me,

And Give Me Your Smiles,

I Think That You're Just In Disguise.

And Now,

All That I Hear From You Are Just; Goodbyes.

You Used To Be So Sweet,

That It Got Me Up To My Feet.

Just To Be Close.

And All I Ask For Is,

Be With Me,

Be Beside Me,

And Never Leave Me Be.

Naggers. Annoying Ones. Grrr!

2009-04-11T04:10:00.000-07:00

Could i post again? I don't think its wrong. Oh, its my blog anyways. x]

ARGH! I hate it when my mother or father whatever just nags to me about what i don't do.
HEY! Give me a break. Its my holiday for god's sakes.
They themselves see that i've been coming home late from school almost EVERYDAY.
So, all i ask for is that you let me rest on my holidaaaaaay! Grr.

And quit nagging about what i don't do.
Don't you have eyeees?
I've been helping you with chores and things in the bloody kitchen.
So don't say i NEVER help! It gets on my friggin' nerves.
Let me ask something;
If i don't help you, does that mean that i don't love you>mother?
If i say it, then i MEAN it. So please just don't say it. Just, DON'T!

Just let me have my break will ya? Please.

Fun! :D Fun! :D Fun! :D

2009-04-11T04:05:00.000-07:00

F; is for friends that do things together! :D

U; is for YOU and ME! :D

N; is for aNywhere in Singaapoooore! :D

Hahas.

Today was fun fun fun fun and SUPER DUPER FUN! :D
Went out with Jia en and Lisa.
Went to Ang Mo Kio! I know I'm starting to sound pretty lame.
But, i'm me! YAY!

:DD :DD :DD :DD!!

My True Thoughts;

2009-04-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

My True Thoughts;

Jia En, and 'people', want like to know what always goes on my mind whenever i go to school?
First; i'd be thinking "Oh Gosh. I have to see their crappy faces again". Jia En should know who 'THEY' are.
Second; i'd be thinking "Oh Crap. Do i have to tolerate a broken spinning record and hear the same things over and over and over again? She seems to deny it, but its just SOO friggin' obvious. Sorree for this totally bitchy line, "LIKE DUH!". You like him, so? Big deal. Like i would care. I don't think anyone would really.
Third; i'd be thinking "Oh Gossh. I have to get to the bloody Malay class. It sucks. Even i suck AT it. So why on earth am i taking it?!"
Fourth [and lastly]; i'd be thinking "Oh YAY! Iget to see Jia en and those faces i just LOOOVE to see.

:DDDD. / <3333.

People, UGH.

2009-04-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Actually, i could say i have terrific life; but there are some little bastards/bitches that just ruins it for me. UGH! Everytime i look at their faces i just wanna beat the crap out of them. I can't take the way they act so 'innocently' around people. It just makes me sick. And, you know; a true friend does NOT get angry with you just because you didn't sit beside her. Come on! i just need a little space! Is that too much to ask? Is it so hard? There are just all sots of people i have to tolerate with. I'm almost about to burst in anger just looking and talking with them everyday! Oh Gosh.

But its okaaaaaay, (=.=") as long as i have friends that are there for me, and doesent' bitch about the same things over and over again.

At least i have you; JIA EN! :DD I just hope you'll always be there for me. :D

2009-04-09T00:20:00.000-07:00

Will be posting soon.